Just life and lots of love.

The days fly by.... 

This is what happened last week. 

We went to Stephanie's for a boy play date while big sis was at school.

Mason, Houston, Hudson, Wyatt and Ty. {in order by birthdate.}

I don't know?  Maybe we should start a basketball team?

If that wasn't enough adorableness for you to handle in one photo.... here's what my sweet, special K has been up to...  

Her FIRST show and tell!  Transportation week at school and Kennedy takes her "Elvis Pink Cadillac" that she picked up in Memphis last year.  

I stopped last night and took the time to look back on photos of her and wow!  Wyatt's growth is so visible, but Kennedy's is sneaky!  I mean, where did this second year of her life go?  I was pregnant, so I'm guessing that's where.  It makes me really sad, slightly panicky and definitely desperate to soak in these last few months with a 2 year old.  I watched a video of her from this time last year and she has just blossomed into this full on, vibrant little girl.  She is still sooooo sensitive.  We call her our "Fragile Frances".  God love her heart.  HA!

She can be sassy and prissy, but there's also this very delicate side to her.  She is having issues for the first time with being a sister.  She loves her "blue baby" so much, but she often asks me "mom, but do you love me more than blue baby?"

In other words, "Have you replaced me?"

She is acting out a lot, and I have been disciplining her.  It can be soooo hard. I know she sees us loving on Wyatt constantly and he NEVER gets into trouble.  I feel bad because I know this is creating feelings she's not used to experiencing because she can't comprehend why she gets yelled at and he doesn't.  However, I know she won't really remember this time, and the best thing I can do is discipline her and shape her little heart.  It's just sooooo hard right now.  Every day as a parent you face a new and uncharted venture.  That's why I do believe it draws you closer to God.  I rely on Him for my every move.  I mess up a lot, but I try so hard to allow Him to show me the way to love and raise my children.  I hope that someday when Kennedy reads this she can understand.  {And Kennedy if you see this post and feel unloved because your brother has more pictures... get over it girl.  I fight with you like crazy to get a picture!  You will not let me!  UGH!}

I have been getting really frustrated a lot.  It's funny because when you look at your child as an infant you know that they are sinners and they are going to do things that push you over the edge.  And still yet, it can be sooooo shocking when they finally do it and you feel that frustration towards them for the first time and towards yourself.  Kennedy is the best thing that ever happened to me.  By God blessing me with her, I was given the gift of motherhood.  She changed my life, and ultimately saved me from myself.  Wyatt completed our family in so many ways that I could never explain.  It's sooooo easy when your kid is "going through a phase" to look back at the day and look over all the things they have done wrong.  

I laid down the other night with her, and I held her while she was sucking her pappy {yes, I still give her a pacifier.} and humming. She is growing and changing {did I mention potty trained?}, but she still does this thing that she has done since she was a baby girl.  She hums softly and chomps her pappy and is at complete rest in my arms as her legs dangle off of my lap.  I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and just had one of those "God I am so thankful for her" kind of moments.  I sang her a song that I sang in church as a child.  I'm including the lyrics for my Kennedy to read someday.

I Haven't Turned Out Yet

The other day I heard my mom complaining to my dad
It seemed she was quite certain I was turning out all bad
And so that night when she came in to tuck me into bed
I asked her to sit down awhile and this is what I said

I said, "Mom you do not need to worry"
I said "Mom don't give up on me yet
Those things you always tell me I never will forget.
Someday, I'll be a grown up And you'll be proud I'll bet
You see I'm still a kid mom, I haven't
Turned out yet."

My dad was tellin' grandpa he was worried as could be
It seemed his heart was broken' he was so ashamed of me
And so that night instead of mom, twas Dad who tucked me in
I asked him to sit down awhile, I started with a grin

I said, "Dad you do not need to worry"
I said, "Dad you do not need to fret
That spankin you just gave me I never will forget
Someday I'll be a grown up and you'll Be proud I'll bet
You see I'm still a kid dad, I haven't Grown up yet."

A little later that same night we heard both mom and dad
We peeked through the keyhole, they were kneeling by their bed
With arms around each other, they were talkin kind of sad
It seems that they were prayin' cause this what they said.

They said, "Lord we ask you to forgive us"
They said, "Lord we're so quick to forget
We were kids not long ago and we're not grown up yet
Please help us to be kind and not do things we'll regret
Be patient with us please Lord we haven't turned out yetKeep workin' with us please Lord, we haven't turned out yet.

As I sang to her in my broken notes and I really listened to these lyrics I have been singing since I was probably 9 years old, I finally got it.  I had just told my mom that day how I didn't know what to do with Kennedy because none of the discipline was working lately.  I was feeling like I was always nagging at her, and failing her as a parent that didn't know what to do.  God reminded me in those moments that my sweet girl was still a baby.  I think I have subconsciously started expecting more of her because she is the "big sister" and she looks so big to me now. Tears streamed down my cheeks and onto the pillow and in her hair.  I love her better than my life itself.  

I was saturated in those precious moments with the knowledge that I am still a Child of God that screws up constantly.  Looking back on my pitiful attempt at living a life as a Christian thus far, somehow, after knowing every intimate detail of my life, He still loves me for me.  I find rest and comfort in His love and His grace.  As my girl laid and hummed and rested so sound in my arms--the ones that had given her a spanking that very day... she was completely at peace.   I could NEVER stop loving Kennedy no matter what she does wrong in this life.  I am trying to focus more on shaping her heart and making that my main focus when I discipline her vs. me being focused on making her do what I say to make my life more convenient for me.  If I had a jar of marbles with  "bad Kennedy moments" and a jar of "good Kennedy moments" from the day, I want to focus on the good no matter which jar has more.  I want to love her the way God loves her, and I want her to know as I discipline her for the "bad Kennedy moments"... that my love for her is infinitely constant.  I want to seek Him more in every detail of my life, so that I can be the mother He is calling me to live my life as on a daily basis. =)  

Will God ever stop using her tiny life to teach me?  She is such a precious gift.  Goodness, how my cup runneth over for her.  

And well, hello there good lookin'! 

My little man is 13 weeks old, and what a handsome, stout little stud he is.  HA!  

Why yes mom... I know.  This is the face of a "smart, handsome and very powerful man" as Dave likes to tell him every day.  It's a joke.  You know the line "You is smart.  You is kind.  You is important." from The Help?  Well, I was doing that to Wyatt a lot and Dave thought it sounded too sissy.  Therefore my husband changed it a little.  

I am starting to think that Wyatt will be a blue-eyed boy!? 

My boy is so sweet.  He is laid back.  He has to be put down a lot vs. held and he has to cry a lot more than his sister EVER did.  He just goes with the flow.  He holds no grudges.  When he wakes up and I go to pick him up, the first thing he does is spreads his mouth from ear to ear, dimples sunken in and eyes wide with excitement for seeing his mommy.  I'm not sure anyone has ever looked at me the way he does.  Absolutely melts my heart.  

He is a BIG BOY.  He is 3 months and is fitting into a 6 months quite nicely.  He is still wearing a size 1 diaper but I'm guessing that will change within a week or two.   He is loving the church nursery and the ladies there.  It's hilarious.  He won't sleep for them though.  As soon as I pick him up, it's like a sigh of relief and a peace that "my mommy is back so it's okay for me to sleep now."  My child will not laugh.  He grunts, gasps and chuckles.  He even laughs silently if that makes any sense?  We have a bet on who will get him to actually cackle first.  He will for me or I'll DIE!  I still remember Kennedy's first laugh out loud.  She was around 3 months and I twirled a pink and green MudPie baby toy around her head and she would belly laugh.  If he laughs for one of those ladies in the nursery I will have to give him his first spanking at 3 months. ;)    He loves to be talked to and read to.  He has started crying for attention which kind of breaks my heart.  We will put him down to go help Kennedy potty or something else and he will cry.  As soon as we walk back and just talk to him, he smiles and is content.   I'm still working on balancing and being "okay" with myself when I can't do two things at one time.  Hopefully it will teach them patience.   He is soooo soooo good.  Eats good, sleeps good. He makes my heart have a fullness that I never knew it was missing.  

So I'm gonna let my love ooze on away from this keyboard now as little ones are stirring from naps. =)